Could This Be It?

Monday October 11, 2010:

I thought nothing could be more exhausting than the first trimester of pregnancy. I was wrong. That last 4-6 weeks is just as exhausting, if not worse, in a different way. I tried everything to help me sleep, including Ambien, and other than feeling drunk and walking into walls, I still couldn't sleep more than a 2 hour stretch. The morning of October 11 was no different, and I finally fell asleep around 3am. At 5 am I woke up, and quickly realized that I was feeling some very mild contractions. Although I wanted it to be labor so badly, this had happened before, so I didn't think much of it.

By 9am I was tired enough to go back to sleep. Over the next 2-3 hours I woke up frequently with stronger contractions. Still not convinced that I was starting to go into labor, I tried some of the old tricks to see if it was only Braxton Hicks. I took a bath, drank a bunch of water, and stayed active by cleaning. My contractions kept coming every 15minutes, and I was finally convinced that this was the start of it. I knew it could still be a long road, but I was excited none the less.

One of the nurse practitioners I work with swears that a long walk and Hooter's hot wings pushed her into labor with her girls. So by the time RJ got off of work at 5pm, I was ready to get things moving along. We leashed up the dog, put on our walking shoes, and headed out. 3 miles later we were finally home, and my contractions were 5 minutes apart. I should've stopped there. My advice for any woman in labor is to not eat wings. We ordered the wings, ate a ridiculous amount, and then proceeded to clean. I know I should've rested, but we were going to be having family stay with us for the next couple of weeks, and I just had to get the house ready. I did laundry, dusted, vacuumed, cleaned toilets, and yelled at RJ to pack his hospital bag. I'm not sure if he believed I was in labor, or maybe it was just his usual procrastination, but he didn't actually pack the bag until right before we left for the hospital. By 10pm I was on my knees on the floor during contractions, but just had to shower before calling the doctor. I couldn't go to the hospital without looking cute!

I had this whole plan of taking some cute before pictures of me once we got to the hospital, but that plan went out the window on the drive there. As soon as we got in the car, the contractions became out of control. I knew I couldn't talk through them and give RJ the directions, so I set the GPS. I then became one of those women you see on tv going through natural childbirth. Writhing, screaming, crying. I kept looking at the countdown clock on the GPS and thinking I have never seen it go so slow in my life. I looked over at RJ and realized he was, for the first time in his life, driving the speed limit. In my mind I lost it. I told him to put the pedal to the floor and hurry up. He sped up a whole 5mph, and spent the rest of the drive biting his nails and trying to console me. Every time he touched my arm during a contraction I wanted to punch him. Sorry babe, not sure that you knew this. Don't take it personal, I just couldn't stand to be touched while I was having a contraction.

By the time we reached the hospital I wanted nothing but to get in that bed and have an epidural. I couldn't even fathom those cute pictures I originally wanted. As they rolled me up to labor and delivery I remember a woman looking at me and saying "Oh my," but I couldn't even see her through my tears. We got to our room, got in my hospital gown, and those wings made their grand entrance...several times. The contractions were coming every 2-3minutes, and I just remember as one would stop the next would feel like it was starting. I would panic as I felt another come on and just start saying "I can't take it, I can't take another one." When the doctor came in and told me I was only 2-3cm, I wanted to punch him. Thank god he let me have an epidural at that point, and I was impressed with how fast the anesthesiologist showed up. I wanted to hug him when he came in that room. RJ swears the guy looked like a mad scientist, but he could've looked like Mr. Hyde and I would not have cared. I was completely numb and happy as could be.

I love how the nurses and doctor tell you to rest and get some sleep. I was exhausted, but my mind was racing. I was just so excited to meet my little girl I couldn't sleep to save my life. RJ apparently had no problems...

As he slept, I texted my friend Amy all night. It's nice to have friends that work night shift.

Tuesday October 12, 2010:

As the night went on, I progressed from 3cm to 6cm. Around 6am I woke RJ to tell him he needed to go home and bring the dog to the kennel. I assumed I wouldn't see a nurse or doctor for a while since it was coming up on shift change. He left around 6:30 and the doctor came in at 7am to check me. I was 7cm so he broke my water. I immediately emailed RJ to tell him to not take too long, because I knew things would speed up once my water was broken. 15minutes later I felt Ellie hanging out in the birth canal. I immediately emailed RJ (because he wasn't picking up my phone calls as usual), and told him not to dilly dally. Guess who finally showed up at 8:30? I recently found out that not only did he take the dog to the kennel, but he decided he needed to shower as well. He apparently doesn't realize a baby comes when it wants to. As soon as he showed up, the nurse came in and I told her I thought I felt the baby. She went to get the doctor and the wings made yet another entrance to the world. As they did, I felt Ellie move down even further. When the doctor came in to check me, he said she was right there and time just seemed to stop. I remember it so clearly. It was 9:30 when he checked me, 9:40 when I started pushing, and 9:50 we had a beautiful baby girl.

Elizabeth Ann Whiteley

6lbs 15oz

20.5in long

I can honestly say delivery was a piece of cake and an enjoyable experience...I highly recommend having an epidural.

We had such a hard time coming up with a name for her. The entire pregnancy we couldn't come to an agreement. We knew we were going to use Elizabeth as a middle name after my Grandma Rudin (it was her middle name). But we couldn't agree on a first name. At some point I suggested using it as our first name and call her Ellie, but RJ wasn't sold. He joked he'd call her Betty, and it drove me crazy. Although I figured once he saw her, she'd be too cute to call Betty anyways. Almost immediately after she was born they asked us her name. We just looked at each other and agreed, Elizabeth it was. We wanted to include another family name for her middle name, and Ann seemed to be everywhere. It was RJ's Grandma Whiteley's first name, his Grandma Gee's name is Maryann, his mom's name is Luann, and my mom's middle name is Ann. It was perfect. My Ellie was here, RJ's Betty was here. He really does call her Betty, and it's grown on me. He can have his little love name for her. After all, she was daddy's girl from the moment she was born.

I had been waiting for this day for 9 months. It was the best day of my life. We were finally a family.

9 Long Months

Where better to start than the very beginning. I've watched friends and co workers go through fertility problems, and it made me realize how truly blessed we were that it didn't take us long to become pregnant. 2 months. That's it. I never expected us to become pregnant the first month we tried, but I still remember that feeling when I realized we weren't. A combination of disappointment, sadness, and the fear of the unknown. What if I could not become pregnant. What if a baby was not in the cards for us. I cannot imagine going through that month after month, year after year. I cannot express enough empathy for everyone that goes through fertility problems. You're in my thoughts and prayers, or as my mother-in-law always says, "I'll add you to the prayer list."
Here is my first official pregnancy picture, January 20, 2010:

I was only 1 week along, no idea we were even pregnant. In my heart, I believe this trip is the reason I became pregnant. The first month, becoming pregnant was the only thing I could think about. This time, I just relaxed and enjoyed my mini vacation with my friends. I didn't stress about it and it happened.

My 30th Birthday, 6 weeks pregnant

The first trimester, although easy with few pregnancy symptoms, was filled with fear. I maybe had 2 days of nausea, but 13 weeks of exhaustion and hunger. I gained 7lbs that trimester, which I contribute to all those 3am meals I ate. RJ would wake up every morning to a bonus room of empty plates. He would shake his head, comment about my "smorgasbord" of food, and proceed to clean up after me. What a guy.

My initial fear was probably what every woman fears, exacerbated by the fact that I'm a NICU nurse. I know way too much about complications of pregnancy, prematurity, and congenital illnesses. Was my baby going to be healthy, was it developing appropriately, was I going to have a miscarriage? As I reached 12 weeks, I became less fearful of miscarriage, but a new fear took it's place. Although our first trimester ultrasound showed no signs of a thickened nuchal translucency (a marker for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21) my blood work was abnormal, and we were told we had an increased risk that our baby would be born with Down Syndrome.

The next 5 weeks were filled with trepidation and doctor appointments. We had our normal doctor appointments, phone conversations and appointments with a genetic counselor, more blood work, and finally our "big" ultrasound at 17weeks. They told us that they could only confirm 50% of cases of Down's syndrome with an ultrasound, that the only absolute diagnosis could be made by doing an amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling. This meant that if they did not see any of the Downs markers on our ultrasound, it was not ruled out that our baby would not have it. We went in with the decision that if a marker was seen, we would have an amniocentesis for confirmation, but if nothing was seen we would continue on like any other "normal" pregnancy. We were given the confirmation that the baby looked 100% healthy. You would've thought this would have calmed all of my fears. The only reason I didn't follow up and have the amnio is because RJ and I had made a deal, and he didn't want one. So although I left still scared, I did have hope, and these:

We stuck to our guns and did not find out the sex. Oddly enough, I really didn't want to know. I wanted to be surprised. Over the next couple of days and then weeks, my fears and exhaustion faded and my excitement, and belly, grew.

17 weeks

20 weeks

20 weeks

Time started flying by. Before we knew it, it was June. We hit viability, 23 weeks, and the next week was the Fourth of July. We were smack dab in the middle of the bathroom remodeling. It was poor judgement on our part to do that during pregnancy. They aren't kidding when they joke about a pregnant woman's bladder. I had to trek downstairs to use the bathroom at least 3 times every night. RJ had to go to Charlotte the week of the 4th for a class, and since all of my friends were out of town, I was spending it with the dog. Unfortunately, there was something else planned for me. That week, at 24 weeks, I started experiencing excruciating abdominal pain. Of course, it was just my luck that it started as I was driving home from the store, and as I got home I realized the plumber had locked me out. RJ, not understanding exactly how much pain I was in, told me to climb through the window. I could've killed him. I'm still not sure how I managed the next 24hrs by myself, but the next day at my doctor appointment they thought I was having appendicitis and sent me to the hospital. As I sat in the dungeons of the hospital's radiology department, by myself, with no cell phone service, I completely freaked out. I made a plan that if they told me I needed surgery I was going to check myself out of the hospital AMA (against medical advice) and drive myself over to Duke to have it done. It turns out, thankfully, that it was just a fibroid that was swollen and twisted. I was given percocet and sent home to relax. I started having severe back pain that night, but just assumed it was from sleeping on the couch for 2 days (I couldn't climb the stairs to the bedroom because of the pain). The next day I decided I didn't want to be alone, so I drove myself to Charlotte to spend the day with my friend, Mari, and then RJ when he got out of class. Probably not the smartest move, but oh well. I survived the trip, and spent the next week dealing with the back pain. At my next appointment the following week I mentioned my back pain to the doctor. Thinking it was just muscle spasms, I was told it was probably hydronephrosis (swelling of my right kidney from retaining urine). The baby was laying completely on my right side, and they assumed laying directly on my ureter. I was sent to a urologist, who told me I needed to have a stent placed in my ureter, and that it would have to be replaced every 6 weeks during the pregnancy. I was able to convince him to give me 2 weeks to see if the baby would move off the ureter so that I wouldn't have to have the surgery. Worst case scenario was that I'd still have the surgery, but was far enough along that I would only have to have the stent replaced once instead of twice for the remainder of the pregnancy. Surgery was scheduled, and we waited. During this time I was adamant I was having a girl, because I felt a boy would not do this to his mother. I also convinced RJ that I needed a pick me up, and we scheduled a 4D ultrasound for 28 weeks. About 4 days beforehand the pain subsided (thank you Ellie!), I was able to cancel the surgery, and I was in the process of trying to convince RJ to let us find out the sex of the baby during our 4D ultrasound. He was adamantly refusing, and I was adamantly trying to convince him that I needed something to bring me back into bonding with my baby.

July 29, 2010 (28 4/7 weeks): 4D ultrasound day! I was so excited. I could not wait to see what our baby looked liked. Here are some of our favorite pictures:

We're coming clean on a little secret we've had for a long time...

Yep, that's right. We found out it was a girl that day. The plan had been for me to find out, and I would keep it a secret from everyone. At the last minute, RJ decided to find out as well. Since we had been through a lot up to this point, we decided we wanted this to be our special secret. Although it was hard keeping it, it was really nice to have this as our "special something."

August 29, 2010 (33weeks): I went back to Wisconsin for my baby shower. Thank you Luann and Megan for throwing it for me, and Dana for helping out decorating and making food. I was amazed at the amount of gifts we received for the baby. I was so thankful to everyone for coming and/or sending gifts. I only wish I could've spent more time catching up. I felt like it was over in a heartbeat. I remember sitting there afterwards going through all the gifts and just being overwhelmed with the generosity of all my family and friends. You all mean the world to me. I'm also amazed that I was able to fit everything but 3 items into my luggage that I brought home with me.

September 25, 2010 (36 6/7 weeks): My second baby shower, this one in Raleigh with all of my friends and co workers. Thank you to Mari and Jess for throwing it for me! Again, I was so thankful to everyone that showed up and everyone else that gave gifts but couldn't make it. When you live so far away from home, your friends become your family. I had a wonderful time, even though I didn't win any of the games.

I was not one of those women that took weekly pictures of her belly. But honestly, I kind of wish I had. I've already forgotten what I looked like pregnant, although at the time I thought it was lasting forever. Here's one last belly pic, taken at 38 weeks:

Nursery Pictures (again, thank you to Mari and Jess for helping me!):

Although the fibroid problems continued throughout the rest of the pregnancy and the hydronephrosis came back at 32 weeks, it was all worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I love you baby girl.

Better Late Than Never

I always thought a blog was for aspiring authors, people with fanatical political views, or people that just liked to hear themselves talk (or in this case, see themselves write). I can admit when I'm wrong. I've recently learned from some friends that it's a great way to post pictures and video of Ellie growing up, so our families don't miss out on everything. I guess it's the best we can do right now since we can't move back to Wisconsin. So here goes...I've got a lot of catching up to do.