9 Long Months

Where better to start than the very beginning. I've watched friends and co workers go through fertility problems, and it made me realize how truly blessed we were that it didn't take us long to become pregnant. 2 months. That's it. I never expected us to become pregnant the first month we tried, but I still remember that feeling when I realized we weren't. A combination of disappointment, sadness, and the fear of the unknown. What if I could not become pregnant. What if a baby was not in the cards for us. I cannot imagine going through that month after month, year after year. I cannot express enough empathy for everyone that goes through fertility problems. You're in my thoughts and prayers, or as my mother-in-law always says, "I'll add you to the prayer list."
Here is my first official pregnancy picture, January 20, 2010:

I was only 1 week along, no idea we were even pregnant. In my heart, I believe this trip is the reason I became pregnant. The first month, becoming pregnant was the only thing I could think about. This time, I just relaxed and enjoyed my mini vacation with my friends. I didn't stress about it and it happened.

My 30th Birthday, 6 weeks pregnant

The first trimester, although easy with few pregnancy symptoms, was filled with fear. I maybe had 2 days of nausea, but 13 weeks of exhaustion and hunger. I gained 7lbs that trimester, which I contribute to all those 3am meals I ate. RJ would wake up every morning to a bonus room of empty plates. He would shake his head, comment about my "smorgasbord" of food, and proceed to clean up after me. What a guy.

My initial fear was probably what every woman fears, exacerbated by the fact that I'm a NICU nurse. I know way too much about complications of pregnancy, prematurity, and congenital illnesses. Was my baby going to be healthy, was it developing appropriately, was I going to have a miscarriage? As I reached 12 weeks, I became less fearful of miscarriage, but a new fear took it's place. Although our first trimester ultrasound showed no signs of a thickened nuchal translucency (a marker for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21) my blood work was abnormal, and we were told we had an increased risk that our baby would be born with Down Syndrome.

The next 5 weeks were filled with trepidation and doctor appointments. We had our normal doctor appointments, phone conversations and appointments with a genetic counselor, more blood work, and finally our "big" ultrasound at 17weeks. They told us that they could only confirm 50% of cases of Down's syndrome with an ultrasound, that the only absolute diagnosis could be made by doing an amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling. This meant that if they did not see any of the Downs markers on our ultrasound, it was not ruled out that our baby would not have it. We went in with the decision that if a marker was seen, we would have an amniocentesis for confirmation, but if nothing was seen we would continue on like any other "normal" pregnancy. We were given the confirmation that the baby looked 100% healthy. You would've thought this would have calmed all of my fears. The only reason I didn't follow up and have the amnio is because RJ and I had made a deal, and he didn't want one. So although I left still scared, I did have hope, and these:

We stuck to our guns and did not find out the sex. Oddly enough, I really didn't want to know. I wanted to be surprised. Over the next couple of days and then weeks, my fears and exhaustion faded and my excitement, and belly, grew.

17 weeks

20 weeks

20 weeks

Time started flying by. Before we knew it, it was June. We hit viability, 23 weeks, and the next week was the Fourth of July. We were smack dab in the middle of the bathroom remodeling. It was poor judgement on our part to do that during pregnancy. They aren't kidding when they joke about a pregnant woman's bladder. I had to trek downstairs to use the bathroom at least 3 times every night. RJ had to go to Charlotte the week of the 4th for a class, and since all of my friends were out of town, I was spending it with the dog. Unfortunately, there was something else planned for me. That week, at 24 weeks, I started experiencing excruciating abdominal pain. Of course, it was just my luck that it started as I was driving home from the store, and as I got home I realized the plumber had locked me out. RJ, not understanding exactly how much pain I was in, told me to climb through the window. I could've killed him. I'm still not sure how I managed the next 24hrs by myself, but the next day at my doctor appointment they thought I was having appendicitis and sent me to the hospital. As I sat in the dungeons of the hospital's radiology department, by myself, with no cell phone service, I completely freaked out. I made a plan that if they told me I needed surgery I was going to check myself out of the hospital AMA (against medical advice) and drive myself over to Duke to have it done. It turns out, thankfully, that it was just a fibroid that was swollen and twisted. I was given percocet and sent home to relax. I started having severe back pain that night, but just assumed it was from sleeping on the couch for 2 days (I couldn't climb the stairs to the bedroom because of the pain). The next day I decided I didn't want to be alone, so I drove myself to Charlotte to spend the day with my friend, Mari, and then RJ when he got out of class. Probably not the smartest move, but oh well. I survived the trip, and spent the next week dealing with the back pain. At my next appointment the following week I mentioned my back pain to the doctor. Thinking it was just muscle spasms, I was told it was probably hydronephrosis (swelling of my right kidney from retaining urine). The baby was laying completely on my right side, and they assumed laying directly on my ureter. I was sent to a urologist, who told me I needed to have a stent placed in my ureter, and that it would have to be replaced every 6 weeks during the pregnancy. I was able to convince him to give me 2 weeks to see if the baby would move off the ureter so that I wouldn't have to have the surgery. Worst case scenario was that I'd still have the surgery, but was far enough along that I would only have to have the stent replaced once instead of twice for the remainder of the pregnancy. Surgery was scheduled, and we waited. During this time I was adamant I was having a girl, because I felt a boy would not do this to his mother. I also convinced RJ that I needed a pick me up, and we scheduled a 4D ultrasound for 28 weeks. About 4 days beforehand the pain subsided (thank you Ellie!), I was able to cancel the surgery, and I was in the process of trying to convince RJ to let us find out the sex of the baby during our 4D ultrasound. He was adamantly refusing, and I was adamantly trying to convince him that I needed something to bring me back into bonding with my baby.

July 29, 2010 (28 4/7 weeks): 4D ultrasound day! I was so excited. I could not wait to see what our baby looked liked. Here are some of our favorite pictures:

We're coming clean on a little secret we've had for a long time...

Yep, that's right. We found out it was a girl that day. The plan had been for me to find out, and I would keep it a secret from everyone. At the last minute, RJ decided to find out as well. Since we had been through a lot up to this point, we decided we wanted this to be our special secret. Although it was hard keeping it, it was really nice to have this as our "special something."

August 29, 2010 (33weeks): I went back to Wisconsin for my baby shower. Thank you Luann and Megan for throwing it for me, and Dana for helping out decorating and making food. I was amazed at the amount of gifts we received for the baby. I was so thankful to everyone for coming and/or sending gifts. I only wish I could've spent more time catching up. I felt like it was over in a heartbeat. I remember sitting there afterwards going through all the gifts and just being overwhelmed with the generosity of all my family and friends. You all mean the world to me. I'm also amazed that I was able to fit everything but 3 items into my luggage that I brought home with me.

September 25, 2010 (36 6/7 weeks): My second baby shower, this one in Raleigh with all of my friends and co workers. Thank you to Mari and Jess for throwing it for me! Again, I was so thankful to everyone that showed up and everyone else that gave gifts but couldn't make it. When you live so far away from home, your friends become your family. I had a wonderful time, even though I didn't win any of the games.

I was not one of those women that took weekly pictures of her belly. But honestly, I kind of wish I had. I've already forgotten what I looked like pregnant, although at the time I thought it was lasting forever. Here's one last belly pic, taken at 38 weeks:

Nursery Pictures (again, thank you to Mari and Jess for helping me!):

Although the fibroid problems continued throughout the rest of the pregnancy and the hydronephrosis came back at 32 weeks, it was all worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I love you baby girl.